quotations about barbers
A barber is by nature and inclination a sport. He can tell you at what exact hour the ball game is to begin, can foretell its issue without losing a stroke of the razor, and can explain the points of inferiority of all the players, as compared with the better men that he has personally seen elsewhere, with the nicety of a professional. He can do all this, and then stuff the customer's mouth with a soap-brush, and leave him while he goes to the other end of the shop to make a side bet with one of the other barbers on the outcome of the Autumn Handicap.
STEPHEN LEACOCK
Literary Lapses
In the barber-shops they knew the result of the Jeffries-Johnson prize-fight long before it happened. It is on information of this kind that they make their living. The performance of shaving is only incidental to it.... To the barber the outside world is made up of customers, who are to be thrown into chairs, strapped, manacled, gagged with soap, and then given such necessary information on the athletic events of the moment as will carry them through the business hours of the day without open disgrace.
STEPHEN LEACOCK
Literary Lapses
And the barber kept on shaving.
JAMES T. FIELDS
The Owl-Critic
My master preaches patience to him and the while
His man with scissors nicks him like a fool.
WILLIAM SHAKESPEARE
The Comedy of Errors
Well, when you get a haircut, you'd better go back home
When you get a haircut, get a barber you have known
Since you were a little bitty boy sittin' in a booster chair
'Cause you might look like Larry, Moe or Curly if a stranger cuts your hair
RAY STEVENS
"The Haircut Song"
When I awoke I was locked in the barber's shop
Trapped in the barber's chair
Oh no, they're gonna try and cut my hair
But that can't stop the Prophet
JERU THE DAMAJA
"Can't Stop the Prophet"
One barber shaves not so close but another finds work.
THOMAS FULLER
Gnomologia
He kept a shop in London Town
Of fancy clients and good renown
And what if none of their souls were saved?
They went to their maker impeccably shaved
By Sweeney
By Sweeney Todd
The demon barber of Fleet street
STEPHEN SONDHEIM
"The Ballad of Sweeney Todd"
It's Saturday, don't stop, just left the barber shop
Fresh fade, geared up, just got my car washed
Music up, windows down, rims on, bling-bling
KOFFEE BROWN
"Weekend Thing"
A prating Barber asked him how he would be trimmed. He answered, "In Silence."
PLUTARCH
Plutarch's Morals
Our courteous Antony ...
Being barber'd ten times o'er, goes to the feast.
WILLIAM SHAKESPEARE
Antony and Cleopatra
Every barber thinks you need a haircut.
MIKE MANN
Make Millions and Make Change!
A jobless barber shall learn new hairstyles.
P.S. JAGADEESH KUMAR
attributed, goodreads
A man goes to a barbershop and asks, How many ahead of me? Five. The man leaves. He comes back the next day and asks, How many ahead of me? Four. The man leaves. He comes back the next day and asks, How many ahead of me? Six. The man leaves, and the barber says to another, "Follow that man!" The man comes back and says, "He goes to your house!"
HENNY YOUNGMAN
stand-up routine
You might be a redneck if you need an estimate from your barber before you get a haircut.
JEFF FOXWORTHY
stand-up routine
In the better barber shops everything is sterilized but the conversation.
EVAN ESAR
20,000 Quips & Quotes
With odorous oil thy head and hair are sleek;
And then thou kemb'st the tuzzes on thy cheek:
Of these, my barbers take a costly care.
PERSIUS
Satires
Is this a barbershop? Is this a barbershop? If we can't talk straight in a barbershop, then where can we talk straight?
MARK BROWN
Barbershop
When one barber cuts another barber's hair, which one does the talking?
EVAN ESAR
20,000 Quips & Quotes
This is the barbershop! The place where a black man means something! Cornerstone of the neighborhood! Our own country club! I mean, can't you see that? Hell, that's the problem with your whole generation. You know, y'all... you don't believe in nothin'. But your father, he believed in something, Calvin. He believed and understood that something as simple as a little haircut could change the way a man felt on the inside.
MARK BROWN
Barbershop